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Feb 272013
 

20130227_134723Hey, do you guys know what sugru is? The wikipedia article says, “Sugru, or Formerol, is a patented multi-purpose, non-slumping brand of silicone rubber that resembles modeling clay.” I like to think of it as the stuff that fixes all the things.

I’m in Minnesota this week spending as much time as possible in Steve’s hot tub, and the floating thermometer kept getting fresh. You know, floating places it wasn’t exactly welcome. And he asked if it would be possible to use one of my precious little packets of sugru to make a hook to stick on the side of the tub to capture the thermometer.

Of course it is possible; I also fixed a little hook in the kitchen whose tip had broken off. Anyway, I thought I’d share some pictures of the hook. Maybe you’ll all be inspired to make functional tiny penis art* for your own homes!

20130227_134741(0)

 

Considering this blog’s traffic consists mostly of people googling “orgy mansions” and Steve’s readers (probably wondering what the fuck is wrong with me), I have high hopes for this prediction.

 

* The line to critique my dick-sculpting skills forms to the right, please; I also can’t draw them.

Feb 182013
 

3 chicken breasts, slightly flattened
a smallish onion
2 tbsp butter, melted
1 tsp honey
dash lime juice
black pepper
garlic salt
paprika

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Arrange a bed of sliced onion chunks in the baking pan of your choice. Flatten the chicken breasts a little. Stir together butter, honey, and lime juice; coat chicken in the resulting fluid. If you think the breasts go on the onions now, you’re right. Sprinkle remaining ingredients on the chicken. Bake for 30 minutes, basting occasionally, or until internal temp is 165 degrees.

“Basted in its own juices” is a really gross-sounding phrase for a delicious cooking process.

Oh, and you should eat the onions. They’re not merely decorative. You can steam a green vegetable, then toss in the onions after the baking part is done, and top with parmesan cheese. Or, the next day, shred the leftover chicken, then pile it with the onions on buttered bread for a chicken and onion sandwich.

Feb 162013
 

When: Saturday, February 23rd. I shall hold court from around 3 pm until whenever.
(I will almost certainly be tweeting, so you’ll know if I’m still there.)

Where: Merlins Rest Pub in South Minneapolis. 3601 E Lake.
(If that changes, I will update here and on twitter.)

Why: I don’t need a reason to hang out in a pub and ask all my awesome friends to join me!
It just so happens that I have one, though. I’m turning 32 on the 23rd, which is lovely and discordian.
Come and have a drink and say hi! Then buy me a beer for my birthday.

Who: Everyone. If you’re unsure of your welcome, feel free to ask me.
(Yes, it is totes okay to come if you don’t know me but want to see skzb. I bet he’ll wear the hat.)

eating bacon in a pub

Here is what I look like in a pub, for reference.

Feb 152013
 

Up at the top of my blog, I’ve scrawled “I HATE POSTING MY OPINIONS ON THE INTERNET.”  I’m insecure and have social anxiety. I’ve internalized a lot of awkwardness about interacting with people and generally assume most people don’t like me, so I hate giving them more reasons to do so.

That’s ridiculous, of course. Those are anxious/depressed thoughts, they aren’t sensible or reasonable, and I logically know that the truth is very different from what I fear.* When I remind myself to separate fear from helpful motivations, though, I still hate posting my opinions on the internet.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak”

I don’t remember if it was Joan of Arc or Dumbledore that said that, but the point is that when I hear about something, the first thing I think is almost always wrong. It may take a few hours or a day or two, but if I publicized my first stupid thoughts about most subjects, I’d be forever writhing in embarrassment. The winning strategy for me is to wait, read more, listen, and then — this is the big thing — be willing to change my opinion.

Let’s talk about examples. First is the “Orson Scott Card writing Superman” thing. OSC’s a douchebag revisionist and I despise his anti-gay views.** There was a petition calling for DC to “Make sure your brand stands for equality and drop Orson Scott Card now,” which sounded like a good idea to me until I read Steve’s post about it. Anyway, you can read my comment there if you want. I thought about it some and ended up agreeing that, yeah, I’m fine with talking about disliking OSC and being disappointed by DC’s move, but not with trying to get him fired. Doing something wrong with good intentions is still doing something wrong (and actually, Ender’s Game is a book about committing genocide unknowingly and in self-defense, so maybe one could draw some sort of parallel). But I’m glad I didn’t retweet the petition everywhere.

Moving on, there’s the Glitter & Mayhem anthology, which has 20 hours to go on kickstarter as I write this. I backed it the other day when it was called Glitter & Madness. Some people told them that using “madness” in the title is ableist language; hence the change.  My first thoughts? “Man, just because some people got whiny and offended, they have to fuck with a title that I liked!” I went to bed. I got up this morning and remembered: oh yeah, I don’t give a fuck what the title is and also those offended people are right. If the name had changed without me seeing the conversations about it, I wouldn’t even have noticed. Glitter & Word-Starting-With-M is still something I want to read. Also, I’ve spent plenty of time complaining about the word “crazy” used as a tactic against women, so why did I have that initial reaction?

When I first got all pissy about “some people” who were “ruining everything” I was really just annoyed about being in the wrong. I’m embarrassed I thought of the issue that way instead of in terms of just not being rude. Pointing out an offensive word in a book title isn’t ruining anything, it helps everyone to have a good time.

Again, I’m glad I didn’t spout off on twitter about that. Now I’m going to eat lunch, and then come back and revise this. Not because I’m afraid to put my thoughts on the internet, but because I want to consider them more before I do.

 

 

 

* Also, if you had no idea I have that kind of social anxiety, good. I try to cover it up, because manners are all about making people comfortable and shit.

** Also, I very recently read some gorgeously inflammatory stuff (this, which references this) so I was extra inclined to say, fuck that guy on a rock.

*** Having realized this about my own reaction, I wonder if something similar was at work when G&M creators wrote the name change announcement, which begins, “Some people were uncomfortable with our original title, so we’re changing it…” I really wish they’d opened that with “The original title was offensive…” or something similar that owns the issue instead of blaming the people who brought the issue to their attention.

Feb 102013
 

Sadly necessary self-admonishment: Don’t forget to start the rice!2013-02-06 19.13.06

3 chicken breasts
1 onion, sliced
[1 c. of some other vegetable]
cooking oil
toasted sesame oil
1 tsp chili garlic paste
black pepper

Sauce:
juice of one lemon
4 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp corn starch

In a skillet or wok at medium-high heat, cook the chicken breasts until they’re just barely done through, remove from pan. Add onions, sesame oil, and chili paste to pan. Stir, fry. Sprinkle with black pepper to taste (or actually, nearly twice as much as you’d normally be comfortable with). Cut chicken into bite-size pieces and whisk together sauce ingredients in a small bowl while onions are cooking. Add the additional vegetables to pan when necessary to cook them until tender. Return chicken to pan and stir into the vegetable mixture.

When all the components have been introduced to each other, push them to the sides of the pan so you can pour the sauce unhindered in the middle. Resist the temptation to touch the sauce until it gets dark and bubbly, then stir until everything is coated. Serve over rice.