Mar 012013

Right, when I posted some facts about secretly-terrible vegetables, I promised that next time we’d talk about awesome vegetables. That’s still on the slate. Before I get to that I feel honor-bound to discuss a few things commonly — but erroneously — considered vegetables.

Badgers – Not everything that is delightful when lightly sauteed is a vegetable. Inside their hairy peel, badgers are actually a source of meat!

Fiddleheads – This is a trick, because even though fiddleheads are ferns, they’re also vegetables. They can kill you with microbes that cause string concerts to well up from the depths of your being and spill out of your throat. Until you die.

[enter a squirrel]

Acorns – Nope, under their little berets, these foodstuffs are actually a nut and if you eat them an oak tree will grow in your stomach. If you have nimble abs you might be able to create a bonsai masterpiece.

[exit a slightly sadder squirrel]

Astronaut Ice Cream – This a dessert treat with all the fun and delightful texture of eating a vegetable. None of the flavor, food value, or nutrition, though.

Mushrooms – Most mushrooms are actually fungi but some of them will give you extra lives, like the ST:tNG episode The Inner Light.

 I hope you’ve enjoyed this continuing blog series on vegetables. Next time I’ll totally talk about awesome vegetables, I promise.

  4 Responses to “Followup: These Are Not Vegetables!”

  1. [Enter squirrel]
    Squirrel: Badgers are, in fact, a source of meat. Interestingly, squirrels are not.
    Ms. Pennyworth: Why should anyone believe you? You’re a fucking squirrel.
    [Exit squirrel]

  2. Vegetables are what food eats!

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