Jan 232013

Nothing I know about killing or gutting animals helps with my new job, but only because my boss wouldn’t let me write that into the copy.

I will back up, but only a little. My new assistant job (and it is way more assistant than secretary) is for a business that teaches spy stuff, which can possibly include survival skills. She was pulling together info for me to put into a marketing piece, and someone from the venue in question suggested skinning deer as an activity. I was excited, because I figured corporate dudes would LOVE that — they could paint deer blood on their faces, and then dance around a deer head on a pike, and channel the fuck out of their fierce inner warriors — but it wasn’t the direction she wanted the proposal to go in.*

Like most of my talent, skills, and knowledge, butchering is useless to me at work. I think I’m getting decent at the job, though. There’s just enough urgency where I really want to get more done all the time, but I don’t feel in over my head, and I hardly ever feel like I’m screwing up. That’s good, right?

So here is the funny part. After my whole career to date being a secretary and assistant, I might be traveling next month to staff a trade show booth** at a conference for executive assistants. Maybe this isn’t actually funny to anyone else, but I knew about maybe having to do this for at least 24 hours before I knew who the conference was for. I figured exotic nut importers or used office chair salespeople,*** but no! These will be MY PEOPLE, and I’ll wear a flashy vintage suit from Mom, and it will be AWESOME (if it happens).



* The direction she wanted to go was probably better for all involved, actually.

** Not actually for the first time. I did the boat show a couple of times when I worked for the sailing school as a teenager.

*** Every profession gets conferences EXCEPT SECRETARIES. We just get those crappy seminars at rundown local motels that we try to wheedle our bosses into paying for so we can get the free lunch and then sneak out to the nearby bookstore and go home early. (Which I would never do. Obvs.)

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